is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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