I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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