How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't deserve a penis
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
