His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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