took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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