AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
