This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
