people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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