my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
