My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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