if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
