I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
