the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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