Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
