That's intense
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
