Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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