I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
