I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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