why didn't you poke me back
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
