I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
