I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
