small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
