i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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