she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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