So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
