U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
