he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
