I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
