We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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