I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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