is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
