that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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