worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
