He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
