I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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