how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
