My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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