What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize