I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
