he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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