there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
