Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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