So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
