I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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