You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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