I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
