but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
