New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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