There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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