I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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