I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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