he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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