i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is Oprah even human
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
