i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
