If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize