Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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