i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
