It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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