i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
