only you would photoshop your dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need moral support for this bender
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
