I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
