my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
