Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
