Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
