i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So. Much. Porn.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
