I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
